131. How Courage and Compassion are Needed Today | Andrew Anderson

Everybody yearns to have at least one person in their life who believes in them; that they can do what they say they can do, who believes they can be the person they want to be. Andrew is that person. Andrew grew up in Boise, ID. He served a two-year service mission for his church to Belgium and France. He went on to receive a master’s degree in Education and loved teaching high school students for six years. Since 2015, Andrew has cultivated this teaching passion as a #1 international best-selling author, speaker and coach, helping individuals break through limiting beliefs, transform their lives and businesses and find lasting freedom. When away from work, you can find Andrew with his family on the soccer field, basketball court, recital halls, or the mountains of Idaho. His wife and six kids drive his Life Mission. At the end of the day, know this: Andrew will take a stand for your greatness more than you will stand for your own limitations. He will fight harder for your possibilities than you do.

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Transcript

Cartwright Morris: 0:02

All right, welcome into the mentor Ford's podcasts. I'm excited about having my guests today got another great author on here. He's the author of strength of the oak strength of the willow how to find courage and compassion in a turbulent world. Andrew L. Anderson, Andrew, how are you doing today?

Unknown: 0:20

I am happy. It's an honor to be on your show and to be with your great tribe and those that are listening in. Thank you very, very much,

Cartwright Morris: 0:29

Ben. Yeah, abs. It's my pleasure to man. So I'm, I'm excited to get it in this book. But I'm curious, you know, the obvious, you know, I know you're from Boise, Idaho. And I know you like getting in the mountains and stuff. So for my audience that just loves you know, that kind of follows me. I like being the outdoors being the mountains. What's something you love to do? In your area? That's really fun. Do you know that summer winter?

Unknown: 0:57

Yeah, yeah. So 15 to 20 minutes from my doorstep, I can jump on my mountain bike and be in the trails of the foothills of the mountains. And then in the wintertime, it's snow skiing, and I love snowshoeing and being just being in the mountains. If I can move in the mountains, then I'm a happy man.

Cartwright Morris: 1:15

So as an author, I may be in the mountains. Have you found inspiration by being in there? Do you ever take like a little notebook and write stuff down?

Unknown: 1:22

Yeah, in fact, the reason that this book came into being was because I was staring up at a mountain. But it was a cliffside down in Zions National Park, which isn't typically what we consider the mountains. But looking up at that mountain is where I received the inspiration and the title for the book. And so yeah, that it's that's where I'm, you know, one of the one of the places that I'm closest to God is when I'm in the mountains.

Cartwright Morris: 1:46

Man, I had one guest on who encouraged me to make a t shirt out of that. I'm closest to God of the mountains. Ain't that the truth, man? Well, that's a good transition to Andrew, because I'm curious, just the origin story of the book. What what was kind of the initial inspiration was an idea wasn't a moment or experience. I mean, you mentioned the mountain, but I would love just kind of give a little more detail.

Unknown: 2:13

Well, let me give you two stories if I can sell right, yeah, go for it. So Story number one, I had a great coaching team had two or three different coaches that I had hired that we're building out our business together, and one of them was named Seth. And one day, we were standing up for our morning huddle, to kind of just setting our plan for the day and you know, sharing some gratitudes and motivating one another. And he said to me, Andrew said you need to write a book. And this was about, oh, probably, you know, six years ago. And I said, There's no way I got my master's, I wrote a thesis I don't ever want to write again, he's like, you gotta read your book, just open up a note in your phone. And every time I tell you something needs to be in your book, I want you to jot it down. And so I remember the very first thing that I put in that note, and it was rat Park. And we can talk about that later, you can find in the book, but I teach about building a rat park for our lives. And so Seth, Seth inspired me is the first person to tell me that I should write a book. So that was that was the origin of the the ideation of that book.

Cartwright Morris: 3:14

So just having someone in your life that encouraged you, that challenges you pushes, you know, and don't we all need that. Yeah, have you found that you've just surrounded yourself with high quality people that have allowed you to do that, that kept you pushing forward?

Unknown: 3:30

Yeah, instead of acknowledgments at the back of the book, I call it personal gratitudes. And I start off by sharing that, you know, I am who I am, because of the books on my shelf, and the people I've surrounded myself with, and some of these people are dead, Stephen Covey, Napoleon Hill, Jesus, I look up to these mentors, and I surround myself with as many that are dead on my bookshelf, and as many that are living that I can get close to just have to help mentor and show me a model of what can be possible,

Cartwright Morris: 4:00

man, that's great. So, you know, even going beyond the origin of the book. Andrew, I'm curious, just some of your background. What what was, I mean, growing up deep work. Did you have a desire to write or even Did you were you a big reader? Did you like certain authors or anything like that?

Unknown: 4:22

You know, growing up, I read the books that I had to in school. And the very first actual, like, self help, or self development or motivational book that I read was my senior year in high school. I was graduating and I picked a book up that my brother in law had, and it was from Lance Armstrong. It's called, it's not about the bike. Yeah. And now this was before everything came out about Lance Armstrong. This is when we actually did look up to him. But the principles that he taught, even though they weren't truly authentic, and he struggled with some things personally, but the principles that he taught were still all true. And so that was the actual first time I ever remember falling in love with a book and thinking about what it could do to ignite my spirit within.

Cartwright Morris: 5:11

Yeah. Oh, wow. And so really, what did that book do for you? I mean, after high school, did you make decision off of something that ignited you?

Unknown: 5:21

Well, there's only I call it bookshelf worthy. If there's one thing that I want to go back to and share with others, and if there's more than one thing, then I put lots of tabs in it. Like I have my book here. And the one thing that I remember from that book is a story that he talks about in one of the Tour de France that that he was in. And he said that he always liked to pass people when he was climbing a hill. Yeah. Because it's demoralizing to get passed when you're climbing. And he was passing someone. And he leaned over and said to this man, he said, I could do this on an effing tricycle. Now, I'm not that ruthless, right? You know, I don't ever even use the F word. But I just remember thinking like, how cool that he had that confidence, to be able to say to that person that he could do that. And while I'm not, you know, wanting to destroy my, you know, competitors, I want to have that kind of confidence. And it just lit something aside with Andrew, when it comes to your life mission and the things that are important to you. You can in a more compassionate way. Be just as driven, and just as confident in what you're working toward, as Lance was at that time without the drugs, and

Cartwright Morris: 6:44

yes, drugs affairs.

Unknown: 6:47

We don't need any of that.

Cartwright Morris: 6:48

Yeah. Lying. Yeah, all that. Mmm hmm. So Andrew, you know, it's just fascinating to me, because it does seem like in your bio, that you've done some travel, how much does travel really influenced your life and expose you to different thoughts and ideas that kind of led to this book, or lead to the life that you're living now?

Unknown: 7:12

Right. So when I'm able to go different places and experience new things, it's not so much the even the landscapes or the culture or the history, it's always about the people. And I know that if I am on path and on purpose, then God's gonna put the right people that I need to help me continue on that path, and strengthen that purpose that resolve. And so the places I've gone, I always remember the people that were there a lot more than I do anything else regarding the landmarks? Or what was what was actually happening around me. So there have always been people placed on my path to help me to strengthen my purpose,

Cartwright Morris: 7:57

van. That's great. And what would you say your purposes?

Unknown: 8:00

Well, my mission in life I've known since I was 14, and you can read the story about how I found out in the book, but I learned at a very young age, that my mission in life is to bless my brothers and sisters whom I believe to be God's children to live a higher level of spiritual strength. And it is to influence as many as possible,

Cartwright Morris: 8:21

influence as many as possible, which is, I guess, a good reason to write a book, right?

Unknown: 8:27

That's right. I didn't want to And yet, when I was called, and felt that it needed to happen, then game over, like, alright, just gave me the tools. I'll read the book, you put the right people in my in my, you know, on this journey, and we'll we'll get it done.

Cartwright Morris: 8:43

Yeah. And so I'm curious. There's the title, the book, I mean, it's some great imagery. The difference between an oak in a willow is fascinating. So where did the title the book come from? Where was that inspiration?

Unknown: 8:59

Sure. So I had a coach once that said, Andrew, you have incredible oak like strength. And I think you might need a little bit more Willow. I was like, What in the heck are you talking about? Right? Like, yeah, I am not following this analogy. And, and then he taught me about an oak strength and its longevity is derived from being connected to the source. It has this tablet that drives down vertically, that allows it to grow out a horizontal root system that is four to seven times the foliage at the top of the tree. And he said that oak leg strength is one of the hardest woods, it never comes down in a storm. It has an incredible defense system to ward off any, any pests or any diseases. And so it's a it's just resilient. And he said, You show up that way and there's an opportunity for you to be more like a willow as well. To bend when needed, but not break, too. be able to allow your branches to come off and grow new ones new trees, the ability to flex in the wind and to be more graceful and, and take things with more ease and, and not be so confident, courageous, but to bring more compassion, and, you know more meekness to what you do. Yeah, so he opened my eyes. And then I started working on those and helping my clients as well.

Cartwright Morris: 10:30

Yeah, so that's what I was. I'm glad you mentioned that because I'm, I find the same thing. And sometimes when people can be more, like, naturally bent towards one or the other, how, as a as a coach, do you help people who maybe are compassionate, but in me more courage and who maybe have a lot of courage who are strong, but yet they're they can be kind of bull in the china shop, knocking people over? So how do you how do you help one who kind of may be more naturally to the other?

Unknown: 11:03

Well, the first thing that I always want someone to understand is, this is not like a nature thing. When you were born as a baby, you are not one or the other. Right? This is a conditioning, this is a nurture thing, and you have been conditioned to lean one way or the other. But you are, by your very DNA, you were bred with both of these strengths within you. So we don't have to, like, you know, focus on the weakness and make it a strength, like the strength of the yoke and the willow are in you. And we recognize the need to put more energy and attention when we start to experience resistance in our life that isn't serving us. So wherever I see resistance, whether it's in someone's career, or their relationship, or their family, or their physical fitness, nutrition, or their spirituality, wherever we experience resistance, I go to what is needed here? Do we need a little bit more grace and compassion? Or do we need some more courage and confidence? Then? How do we let go of anything that's preventing us from tapping in to that, you know, God given strength?

Cartwright Morris: 12:14

That's great. Do you? Was there an example in the book or even outside of the book where you, you personally, that had, I mean, you mentioned the story with your boss or, or you did this with the client?

Unknown: 12:25

Yeah. Well, one of the things that I talk about in the book, and you know, this, this took an extreme amount of vulnerability. I actually finished writing the book. And then I found a great coach, and publisher and editor, the three incredible women that read the book and said, We need more, Andrew. Yeah. And I was like, Are you kidding? Like, I don't want the book to be about me. And they said, it has to it's got your name on it like, right, the principles are taught through your life. And then yeah, you tell these awesome stories of clients. But we need more Andrew. And one of the things that I share in the book is, I am by nurturer, a pacifist, I don't want to fight. I don't like fighting. And during the pandemic that we experienced in 2020, I recognize some things that I didn't need to start fighting for. And I felt like I really did need to stand up for you know, the values and principles that America was built on. And as I started to feel that fire, Ignite Within, I also recognized that there were some things in my personal life I wasn't fighting for. And before I started to fight for some national rights, I needed to take care of my relationship with my three daughters. Yeah, and I had given up on some of those relationships because of divorce that I experienced with their mother. And I was not okay, with how much time I was spending with them. And I had played pacifist for a long time with their mom thinking that if I played nice, then she would play nice as well. And that, at that time, I recognized that I needed to stand strong, that I need to muster all the courage that I had, and offer myself a little bit of compassion. And these daughters that we did need to fight for this relationship and to spend as much time together as possible. And that was it's still ongoing. I mean, that was three years ago and I'm still fighting for that with the oak Lake strength that sometimes I want to just say I'd rather just kind of bend over and and let this one go like the willow. So that's that's something that I went through and talked about in the book and I'm still working on to this day.

Cartwright Morris: 14:47

Yeah, there's something to that that man. Just the have the fight the courage it is for someone else. This isn't being selfish. This is for someone else like your daughter's knee. their dad. Right, man, that's powerful. Yeah. And if we could just like somehow get it in our my mindset like that in like, I mean, because I'm like you I prefer the passive approach. I prefer to be comfortable, keep the status quo. And sometimes we need to fight and people in our life need to know that we have that in us to bring our strength.

Unknown: 15:27

Exactly. In fact, my attorney said to me one day said, Andrew, I like you, you're a great guy. But I will fight to the gates of hell for your daughters. Yeah. And this is this is this is about them, not about you. And I think when we can bring that kind of strength into our life and our relationships and recognize that I will fight to the gates of hell for other people, then we don't get in our own way. Right? Because the focus isn't on what will people think about me, it's how can I serve them?

Cartwright Morris: 16:02

Man? Yeah, that's good, man. Oh, man. Thank you, Andrew. That was really good, man. Appreciate that. Yeah, I needed I need to hear that. That was encouraging.

Unknown: 16:12

Oh, well, do we all do? Because everyone, right, you you're going through stuff I don't know about I'm going through stuff that you don't know about. Everyone. Everyone that we meet, is probably going through something that is pulling out their heartstrings and wrenching at their soul. And, and when we can recognize that people need our help. And if they're willing to allow us to help them then great, but if not, at least that little bit of compassion, to say, I see you right here. I don't know if I can help you if you want my help. But, but I recognize that you're going through something.

Cartwright Morris: 16:48

Yeah. That's good. So, I mean, we've kind of already I think we talked about this before we got came on, but and you're hitting on accuracy, since the similar heartbeat of wanting to help others. So when did that come about? When did you start really thinking getting into the coaching business and wanting to serve people in that that capacity?

Unknown: 17:12

Well, I was raised by the greatest salesman in the world. Yeah, not Augmon Dino who wrote the book, but my, my father, my entire life, was a salesman, he sold janitorial supplies. When people asked him what he did he say, I'm a toilet paper salesman. But he's sold, you know, from toilet paper all the way up to you know, the large machines that lay down the finish on the basketball court. Like he sold to schools and small businesses in church, like he was a he was a salesman. And there were times growing up where either I was sick, or I was pretending to be sick. So I could stay home and drive around in the Dodge Caravan all around the streets of Boise. And watch my dad call on clients and just visit people not to, you know, find out, you know, how he could make some more commission, but what their needs were. And he always put people first. It was never about the product he was selling. And so I was just super blessed to be raised by a salesman of a father who loved on people who lead with love as Augmon. Dino taught us and the greatest salesman in the world. He just, he came from a place of love and compassion. And he was always whether at work or at home or in our neighborhood or church or community. He was always serving other people.

Cartwright Morris: 18:33

Man, that's great. And so that what what from that? You had that in the back of your mind? What was your initial career choice?

Unknown: 18:44

Yeah, so my initial career choice was to teach gospel principles from Scripture to teenagers in what was called a seminary class. And so out west we we have these seminary buildings that our church builds right next to high schools, and the kids get to be released from school for one period of the day, and we get to study scripture together. Yeah. And so I did that for six years pouring into teenage kids, and helping them apply, you know, gospel principles from the Scripture into their daily lives. And that was a phenomenal career where I learned how to love and serve and help teenagers who are so moldable that know anything about their strengths, and we get to help them figure out what those are. So that was what I did. Initially in my career was I was a full time teacher in religious education.

Cartwright Morris: 19:41

And so you got it did that kind of hit the itch of wanting to teach others and ask great questions that actually helps people see a different perspective. What then led to coaching,

Unknown: 19:53

right, so I did learn how to become a great coach in the classroom. Because if you can do religion with teenagers yours. Yeah, I mean, anything's possible from there like business, you know, merit, like all these things like that what I work on with clients today, like they're challenging, but getting a teenager to fall in love with your religion and yeah, make it personal, that that's where I learned how to coach. I went through a divorce in 2013. And that took me out of the classroom. And then I got into real estate and I learned about coaching. And I got a great coach myself, and I sold real estate full time for one year before I learned that I loved everything about except for two things. Buyers and Sellers kind of drove me nuts. And agents, were kind of crazy.

Cartwright Morris: 20:49

To people main, two or three, yeah.

Unknown: 20:53

I liked helping people. I even like prospecting and solving problems and negotiating and getting paid. But it wasn't the career for me. And I was offered a position at the end of that first year of selling real estate to start coaching. And nine years ago is when I started coaching, brand new real estate agents, and that grew to experienced agents, then it grew to, you know, brokers and, and presidents of companies and, and I started coaching nationally. And then I broke away from that and started doing my own thing about five years ago. And so I got my cut my teeth on coaching in the classroom, and then again, with new real estate agents, and now I get to, you know, help less of a demographic as much as a psychographic, just anyone that stuck, that's looking to level up and doesn't know how. That's who I serve today.

Cartwright Morris: 21:47

Yeah, that's great. Yeah. The psychographic that is so great if we can articulate that. So, I mean, going back to the book, Andrew, I'm curious what, you know, what do you want for the potential reader out there? What are you hoping for them to receive by reading this book?

Unknown: 22:06

Well, if there was one thing that I'd want them to walk away with, it is extreme clarity on what their life mission is. And the vital role that courage and compassion play in helping them fulfill that life mission.

Cartwright Morris: 22:24

Yeah, that what passion plays in fulfilling that life? Miss?

Unknown: 22:29

Yeah, yeah. passion and compassion, right? Courage, and how we, you know, what, what does that look like? And most people don't know what their life mission is, to be honest, if you were to ask someone's and said, Hey, what do you do? What do you do? What do you do for work? Like, that's what we always ask people. What do you do? If you said, What's your life mission? Yeah, they would stop and they would look at you like, what are you talking about? Yeah. And, and honestly, shouldn't that what we do that job or career business shouldn't be funding and helping to build our life mission. And we've got it all backwards. We lose ourselves in our job, or career or hobbies, or whatever, they are hoping to find that life mission. And so what I do in the book is, we get right down to it, identifying that life mission, and then building a life around it from a place of courage and compassion. Yeah,

Cartwright Morris: 24:07

man, that's awesome. Um, so Andrea? Yeah. I like asking this question to my, my guest is, you know, what would you tell your 25 year old self? And, and you know, you we mentioned before, I'd love you just also connected to you know, who you wrote the book for, as well. So,

Unknown: 24:31

right. So what I would tell that 25 year old self is what I tell a lot of young men, and I love coaching and working with young men, because I was a pretty lost young man, and 25 and 2627 28, all the way up to about 3031. And I'm actually starting a nonprofit this year, that is built around providing scholarship coaching to young adults, because they learn everything they need to learn right in school or college or their trade. But they're don't they don't learn these life principles that oftentimes failure forces us to learn. Yep, into our late 20s and into our 30s so that somehow we get it figured out into our 40s. And then for some, it's too late. Yeah, like me, I lost that marriage. I'm now fighting for a relationship with my three daughters. And I would have told my 25 year old self what I tell Tanner and Chandler and I dedicated the book to Tanner and Chandler and to heirs and and all the other young men that I coach and all the young men that we will coach through this scholarship nonprofit We're building this year, and it's this. Have you ever seen the movie Nacho Libre? Yes with Jack Black and he's the Lucho daughter from Mexico. Yeah. Jack Black. He's so funny. And I saw that movie when I was about I think 21 years old. I was young man. But in Nacho Libre, there's this, you know, there's a scene where we're not just says, Hey, take it easy. Take it easy. And I think too many young men are just way too hard on themselves. Either because their dad was their teacher, their coach, like, just give yourself some compassion. That word compassion is fascinating. Cartwright. Yeah, passion comes from the root path. And path ology. Even you know, other roots of that word is about suffering. And, and we talked about the passion of Christ as the suffering of Christ. So passion means suffering and calm means with. So, passion means to suffer with someone. And we're not able to suffer with someone else until we are able to take it easy. And just suffer with ourselves. And not suffer because of ourselves or suffer because of others. But just offer yourself some compassion. Go through this process of suffering, learn what you need to learn. So you don't have to suffer anymore. But stop being so hard on yourself. Take it easy. Yeah. Doesn't have to be so hard. You don't have to beat yourself up so much. Just give yourself a little bit of grace, take it easy. Offer some self compassion.

Cartwright Morris: 27:27

Yeah. And you find that that age, you really, you're in like the highest form of comparison. So therefore, it creates even more of that self judgment. And you have such a low compassion for yourself. I mean, I know that because because of the insecurity compare you right? And it's like, Man, how do we how do we stop that the source and that's what I think is what's great about coaching is, if just need somebody alongside you, like, Stop, now, you don't need to think that way. And give yourself permission to have that compassion.

Unknown: 27:58

That's right. And I love that you brought up comparison. In fact, Book Two is almost done. And it will be published, and it'll be published next year. But Book Two, I'm going to be including what you just taught me. Maybe the opposite of compassion is comparison. Yeah. Because comparison has been it's been said that comparison is the thief of all joy. Yep. And compassion then allows us to give ourselves that gift of joy, rather than having it be stolen as we are looking outward, around with others. So comparison, is the antithesis. Right? It's the enemy of compassion. Yeah, I gotta write that down.

Cartwright Morris: 28:50

Yeah, but I mean, a lot of times, it's funny, you bring that up as well, when I coach a guy in his 20s. It's like, I have to constantly remind him, you're doing great. I mean, if you're showing up to your job on time, you're present in people's lives, like, just because you're not making acts or you're not here have this I have that, like you're doing great. You're doing great. And like, that message is so hard. You know, because we've heard we had, like you said, we've been conditioned the opposite.

Unknown: 29:21

That's right. So yeah, take it, take it easy. And don't be so hard on yourself. You're doing better than you think you are. Give yourself some compassion, and you know, courage and compassion oak and Willow. They're not separate. They're just two ways for us to think but they really are. They're connected. Courage comes from the word occur in French. And courage means heart. Yeah, so courage means it's of the heart. And you need to have the courage to give yourself the compassion. And sometimes you need to offer yourself enough compassion. So you can have the courage to fight for yourself. They're not two different things. They actually are a part of one great hole. And that hole is love. You can't separate. You can't separate the Ultron Well, you can't separate the tree from the forest. You can't separate careers from compassion. They are part of one great hole and that hole is love.

Cartwright Morris: 30:12

Yeah, man. It's beautiful. Thank you. I appreciate that. Andrew, and I think of that maybe just a great note to end on. But I would love to Yeah, just find the best place to find you. Or and also the book. I'd love to share with my audience.

Unknown: 30:29

Yeah. So there's some really cool things that are coming out that I'm excited to let everyone know that the book has now been out for a couple of months. It's called the strength of the oak strength of the willow how to find courage and compassion in a turbulent world. We hit in Number one international bestseller immediately. And we were with some big authors Jay Shetty was one of them that day. But we hit bestseller in 48 different categories across five different countries hit number one international bestseller. So I'm very proud of the book, which you can find on Amazon. Again, it's called strength of the oak strength of the willow. And Andrew L. Anderson is my name. We're also launching a gratitude journal that is going to be coming out soon. And it helps us ground ourselves through this habit of journaling, gratitude and sharing it with others on a daily basis, so that there's a gratitude journal that's coming out. And then the audible, the audible I finished recording two weeks ago, and we're going to be launching that audible late this spring of 2023. So just great things happening. If you follow me at Andrew L. Anderson, eight, five. You can follow me on Facebook, and Instagram. We have some courses that we're launching, I'm in the middle of seven proven steps to solving uncertainty, which takes the most powerful principles from my book and applies them into you know, into the Simple Seven one hour lessons that I take people through. So Andrew Anderson, eight five is where people can find me or Andrew l anderson.com.

Cartwright Morris: 31:58

Man, that's great. Andrew, I appreciate you coming on. Go check out his book, strengthen oak strength will appreciate it, man.

Unknown: 32:05

Thank you Cartwright.