132. How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Take Action | Byron Morrison

Byron Morrison is the author of 3 best-selling books and over the last decade he has
worked with CEOs, entrepreneurs and leaders in 15 different countries to help them
take back control of their life and business.

Life hasn't always been this way though, for most of his life he was his own worst
enemy, sabotaging everything from his health to his relationships and his personal
success. After his dad's cancer he went on a journey of transformation, where after
losing 50 pounds and turning his life around, he set out on a mission to help others
take control of their life.

For the last decade he’s been working with people from around the world to help
them get out of their own way so that they can start living the life that they want.
Everything he’s done has built up to his new book “Maybe you should give up - 7 ways
to get out of your own way and take control of your life” which hits stores in June.

Buy His Book

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Transcript

Cartwright Morris: 0:02

All right, welcome to the mirror forge podcast, I'm excited to have my guest today, Byron Morrison, He is an author of an upcoming book called, maybe you should give up seven ways to get out of your own way and take control of your life. I'm really excited about what Byron is doing. Because I mean, we have a lot of similar space, but he's just helping men, especially in leadership roles lead, others better take control of their life. And so Byron, I'm excited to have you on.

Unknown: 0:33

I'm really excited to be here. Thanks for having me here today.

Cartwright Morris: 0:36

Absolutely. Well, I saw this as your third book, you know, and I'm always curious to ask authors, you know, what do they enjoy most about writing and writing? Or? Or what's the most exciting part about writing a book, but your title stands out? So clearly? And I'm so I'm really I mean, I'm curious about my first question. But my second would be, you know, what made you come up with that title.

Unknown: 1:03

I'll start with the title as an onset, because for me, I really wanted something that grabs your attention straightaway. And when you look at the self help and personal development world, the whole messaging is that never quit and keep pushing and keep trying. And so many people get stuck in the state of mind where they feel like they have to have to keep moving forward, even if it's not working. Whereas if you look at some of the most successful people of all time, they quit constantly, they give up on ideas that are working, they give up on strategies that are not producing results, they give up on their fears, their reasons why it can't be done. And I was while I was going through our journey, I discovered that giving up is actually the secret for success. Because when you give up on the things holding you back, that's when you can move forward. So the book, the reason why I designed in, the way it's come out is it's meant to sound negative, it's meant to be counterintuitive to all the other advice out there. But then actually, the book is about positivity. It's about giving up on everything that is holding you back from living a happier life and reaching your potential. So as for your first question, though, yeah, writing for me, it's just as a really creative way to communicate ideas. I've always loved the idea of just writing and kind of sharing knowledge and just really breaking down everything from my own journey to what I've learned with clients, and now working with people in 15 different countries, and it's just a way that you can reach people on a mass market scale, you can just take your words and ideas and break it down that people can learn from them or apply to their life in ways that you otherwise wouldn't be able to reach them.

Cartwright Morris: 2:28

Yeah, yeah, it really is. I mean, there's just some content is has so many different ways to be fleshed out. But there's still the book part where you can really it is the ultimate long form, hate. Sometimes we talk about long form being podcast or, you know, long interviews, but really, it is still to get a true deep thought out. It's in a book. So that's really cool. So Byron, I mean, you know, you talk about your bio, you're very honest, and your bio. And so if you're if you're listening right now, I recommend I have the bio, actually in the show notes. So you can look at Byron's bio. And and I really appreciate your honesty, because this is what a parrallel love this, this podcast and this platform that there is so much about life that's forging us into, we're never finished product. It's I'm always curious about people's stories and what they've been through that's made them in who they are and why they're doing what they're doing. So I'd love to just hear a little bit more of your background. And I know you're not originally from UK, but that's where you're coming from right now. So I would curious, yeah, what, what part of your childhood or your upbringing that really is shaped you into who you are today.

Unknown: 3:40

So probably the one big life event that had the greatest impact on my life was when my dad got cancer. He ended up having most of his bowel surgically removed, he spent 25 days in ICU, mostly on life support and breathing to tracheotomy, and luckily pulled through, which has been I'm eternally grateful for but that experience was a big turning point for me that I realized I need to do something about my own life. At the time I was overweight, I was stuck in a job that was killing me. I had no confidence and it was burnt out. And just really, to be honest, just stuck. And I just knew something had to change. And I'd love to say that this was the big wake up call that suddenly from the next day, everything magically got better. But I knew at that point what I needed to do, I knew I needed to get my health on track. I knew I needed to get out of my professional situation. But despite that I was my own worst enemy. I'd seem to constantly sabotage everything from my health to my relationships, my professional success, and I just reached the point that I realized, you know what, I'm getting in my own way here. Something I'm doing is sabotaging my success. And I'd really do some self awareness, journey and introspection to really figure out why am I actually doing this? And I was really well I need to take a step back and figure out okay, what's going on here that's stopping me from moving forward. And once I could get out of my own head, I could finally start making changes. Where I lost the weight I got out of the job that was killing me, I actually found happiness in myself and really turned my life around. As I went through my own kind of path of transformation, and then got to a point where I wanted to start helping other people, I saw so many other people were struggling in the same way. They knew what they should be doing. But they'd sabotage it, they'd mess up, they get stuck in their own head. And that's like, my message and focus for last 10 years has really been about helping people break through those mental blocks that are keeping them stuck. These, whether it's been young entrepreneurs, to corporate professionals to being CEOs running billion dollar companies, I find we all have that tendency to be our own worst enemy. Where we overthink, we procrastinate, we doubt ourselves, we avoid the things we know we need to do. It's something it's such a universal relate to topic that every single one of us struggles with in one way or another.

Cartwright Morris: 5:49

Yeah. And so what? Yeah, what would you say? Is that step one for you? Well, you know, the the wake up call, and then it led to the decision, like you said, you there's multiple things that you know, you needed to lose weight, and you need to take more control your life, like, what was that thing to really get you going. And really, that's step one that you need that decision you made.

Unknown: 6:11

So the first one was getting in shape. And it's fascinating to me, growing up as an immigrant into the UK, I'm originally from South Africa, like when I came into the country, I never really fit it in. And I was always a little bit of an outsider. And even at school, I had never really kind of fit in or got in on their own. And I kind of viewed fitness is one thing that I hated. Like when it came to physical education, I'd like I did not like sport, I did not want to be in the gym, I was sort of something that was for people that weren't like me that I didn't want to be like, so I completely wrote off that area of my life. So it's such an internal resistance to actually doing something active. And so that was such a big mental roadblock, where for years, I didn't want to step foot in a gym. And then when I finally overcame that, I found that actually I really enjoyed it. And it was something that I went from dreading to wanting to do on a regular basis. But then as I start getting to it, like anyone who's ever been on a diet or tried to get healthy, I'm sure you know what it's like, when you take one step forward, and two steps back, I just constantly would make some progress, I'd fall off track and make some progress for off track. And eventually, I just got so frustrated, I was like there has to be a better way, I kept trying the same thing over and over again, it wasn't working. So I became a student of everything from nutrition to how to exercise to changing behaviors. And the more I learned, the more I found that that's actually where my passion was. So once I actually discovered how does your body work? How does your brain think how your habits formed, I could change the way I did it. And that went into the foundation of my first book. So it was very much a snowball effect. Just like one simple thing of just pushing myself to face that fast workout. getting over that fear led me to everything that I'm doing today.

Cartwright Morris: 7:51

Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that the truth, your truth about fear. Why is fear such a has such a hold on people's lives, and really keeping them from where they really want to be or who they think they should be? And all that.

Unknown: 8:10

It's all about that story in your head, or the way our brains are wired. It's all about survival. Your unconscious mind wants to keep you where you are, because it feels safe wishes, your goals, your dreams, your aspirations, the person you want to become. All of that is new, Mini, it's an inherent risk. And that's why your brain fills your head with all of these sabotaging doubts and fears and negative thoughts. And a lot of the time we build it up in our head to be this huge catastrophe was actually it's not that bad. It's like, How many times have you wanted to try something, you think it's gonna be this huge ordeal. And in the end, it's actually not a big deal, right? This is why for so many of us, we get stuck in fear, because we build it up as the end of the world, convincing ourselves that it's gonna fall apart or it's not possible. So we just go and go for it. And this is why for me, it's all about understanding and reframing fear. And the way I like to do it myself, it's all about looking to the end of your life. Because the harsh reality is, so many people are going to wake up at 65. They're going to look back the life that they could have lived and the chances they didn't take. And they're going to be thinking what if, and that's why for me, what scares me far more than failure than rejection than not getting it right, is regret. And when we can tip the scale in the other direction, we can stop fearing God actually going for it and regretting the things we didn't do far more than failure or rejection, then the entire game changes, then it becomes far more painful not to go for it than it does to face it. And when you start breaking down those fears and moving through it, suddenly it becomes easier to move forward. Yeah,

Cartwright Morris: 9:39

that's good. So how do you know I 100% I'm with you. I mean, there was for many years, I've told that story in my head for years, you know, not good enough. Why should I try? I'm just going to fail. You know how so for my listeners out there that feel like they have that story? You know what, what was the story that you told in your head and into how did you rewire it?

Unknown: 10:03

There was so many different stories from, I'm not good enough, it's not gonna work, I'm never gonna make it. But for me the big story reframing is whenever you start going into a negative state of mind, you have to stop and ask yourself, do I know this for certain? Or is it just a story? I'm telling myself. And if it's just a story, you have to take a step back and think about oh, how else could this turn out? What if it goes right? Or if you had great results? What if it actually isn't so bad, even if it doesn't all fall apart? Is it really that big of a deal, because a lot of the times you can convince yourself that if you fail, it's a huge catastrophe was actually, it's a minor inconvenience invest. And it's just when you can start reframing those fears to become so much easier to deal with. But the other side of those where I was part of the reason why we get stuck in fear, if we're focusing too far into the future, like, if you've got a big goal, let's say you want to build this amazing business, or you want to run a marathon, or you want to do something that's this huge venture, that is pretty overwhelming. Like it can be incredibly daunting to think, think about what you want to accomplish. And that for a lot of people can keep them paralyzed. And that's why I'm a big advocate of Yes, have that big vision and that big goal, but break it down. Rather than focusing on Step five, what is the first thing you need to do, just use a really easy health example, which we can all relate like, if you want to run a marathon, that seems like something you just can't even comprehend. If you're just getting in shape, the first step could be going for a jog. Suddenly, in comparison, it doesn't seem so bad. You start with the jog, you build up, you increase over time. And after for six, eight weeks, you have made all of this progress, and a word of felt the bad, bad. And so same thinking when it's building your business, advancing your career, whatever it is, start small focus on gradual steps. And that's how you build your confidence and momentum. And you'll overcome the fears that are on the way.

Cartwright Morris: 11:48

Man, that's good. Yeah. Man, it's fascinating. So I'm just curious and getting in your book, you did put seven ways to get out of your own way. And you may have already mentioned number one, you know, what was one that you really wanted to your readers? I mean, obviously, what's number one? What is the first thing you wanted to grab your readers that say, like, start here, start with number this seven ways? What was What's number one.

Unknown: 12:16

So the first one is reacting to the world around you. Because most of us, we spend our life in a state of reaction, well, life happens, emotions take over. And a lot of the time will then not handle situations, it's the best version of ourselves. And that's why ultimately, there's a huge difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction is on pulse impulsive and driven by emotion, whereas the response is calculated and controlled. And that's why you're never going to should be able to show up as the best version of yourself with always reacting and dealing on emotion. So it's about getting you to slow down to actually process problems to understand where you're coming from, and then choose how you respond to it. When you can start creating that shift. That's how you can see that actually, even though you can never be in complete control of what's going on around you, when you can always control the way that you show up and deal with it. That's how you can become unstoppable. That's how you can have that mindset when something goes wrong. Rather than beating yourself up and dwelling on the past. You can focus on how you move through it. It's how when someone makes a mistake, rather than losing your temper, you can focus on okay, this has happened, how do I stay calm and actually focus on the future? It's about recognizing, okay, this is what happened in the past, but rather than dwelling on it and letting it weigh you down, this is how you move on. So it's incredibly empowering. When you get that shift from reacting to things to actually focusing on how do you respond to them?

Cartwright Morris: 13:33

Yeah, that's really good. Because I think, yeah, I mean, we've all worked for been under leaders who react to negative emotion versus like you said, respond, and this very different in leadership, one you really want to follow the other you would want to get far away from. So yeah, I mean, you work with CEOs and different entrepreneurs and leaders, what have you seen are some of the major problems that they deal with?

Unknown: 14:03

That what I do is I'm not a business coach. So when I'm working with a leader, I don't get involved in how they run their company. After all, it's that business, that the leader for a reason, my focus is to come in and figure out how they showing up in everything that they do. So this is why I've had the fortune of I've worked with everything from first time CEOs to CEOs running tech companies like global operation businesses, billion dollar unicorns in Silicon Valley. And the reason why I've had such a range of experiences, our focus is always on them. And the one universal challenge that every single person I deal with, or work with deals with is they get stuck in their own head, like there were so many competing demands, there were so many responsibilities that a lot of the time they're so reactive, then they the stumbling block in the way of their growth because they overthink, they second guess themselves. They put off making decisions, they avoid the actions they know they need to take, like having difficult conversations or taking big business decisions that can really impact the trajectory of the business. So it's all about looking at, okay, why are they sabotaging themselves? What is the real reason that they're holding back and not showing up as the leader that the business needs, when we get them out of their own head, and we get their confidence up and their performance at the level of needs to be. That's how they take the business to the next level. So it's a really interesting thing. It's really to get the psychology and the mindset behind why people do what they do, and then helping them navigate at a higher level.

Cartwright Morris: 16:07

That's interesting, because I think there is something to that, I mean, that there absolutely is something to that, because I think, too many leaders, we focus on the external, the skills, the things we need on the external, when really, if we just start with the man the person and actually addressed him, what he's dealing with, and I say him, because you know, I work with men, primarily this, the men are forge badass, right? But I'm sure it's the same thing with women and and learning how to do that well actually start with you creates that person who is great in those spaces, and leads well,

Unknown: 16:42

hmm, exactly. It's one of my favorite ways of framing it is, you could give 100 people the exact same strategy, but they're all gonna get different results. And the thing that influences the outcome is their mindset and how they execute on that. And this is why it's such an interesting realm, because people are always getting caught up in what are the latest hacks and trends and strategy for that, to make money or to kind of get that quick win in business. And a lot of the time, the thing that's holding people back from successes themselves, it's that story that I'm telling themselves, it's avoiding the things that I need to do, which is why it goes back to whether it's the new book, or the central theme of my work, it's getting people out of their own way. Because once you do that, when you open yourself up to a whole new world of possibilities,

Cartwright Morris: 17:25

yeah, that's great. Getting out of your own way. That's true. So, you know, a lot of my listeners are in their 20s. And I'm sure many of them are in business, or really want to step into leadership roles eventually. And so when you see you work with these first time CEOs, what are some of the things that they you can do now in your 20s that really prepare you for that first leadership role?

Unknown: 17:50

So I think we spoke a little bit about this before, getting a great mentor is such an empowering way to grow. If you find someone who's achieved what you want to achieve, who can really guide you and help you break down situations and learn and grow. But if you are not at a point where you can get a mentor, like my favorite tool for personal growth is actually reflection. It's taking time every single day to just go back and look at okay, what actually happened, because most people are just so focused on getting through the day, they just go through life challenges happen, they deal with it and move on. Whereas what you face is your greatest opportunity for growth. And this is why when I'm working with clients, and anyone listening to this could do exactly the same thing. It's break down everything from tough conversations you went through to what threw you off your team, to what challenges did you face a core student react or get overwhelmed? And then really think about? Okay, how did I deal with that? How did it make me feel? And what do I need to learn from it, to navigate better in the future, because when you start doing that, that's how you're going to build your confidence and intuition. So when you're in the same situation, the next time, you're going to know how to handle it. It's a lot like an elite athlete, going back and watching old game footage, they know that by going back through it, that's how they're going to figure out how to hone their age. And if you want to be a really effective leader, you've got to do exactly the same thing. Perfect example is let's say you need to have a tough conversation with someone, but you get really emotional when you just a turns into a conflict, you break that down and figure out okay, what do you need to do the next time? How do you make sure that the emotions aren't taking over and you're calm when you're grounded? And how do you communicate your point properly, you do this and you plan it out in your mind, then from a leadership standpoint becomes so much easier to deliver it the next time. But most especially first time leaders don't do this. They just get stuck trying to navigate all these things, and they just get overwhelmed and they crash and done. So it's really about looking at well the skill sets that you're missing, and then doubling down on learning them.

Cartwright Morris: 19:46

Reflection, man, you're really hitting on some good topics here. Byron, I mean, reflection to me is such an underrated skill set. And for many people want to step into leadership, it's so as really, really good the ability to reflect because you start doing it quicker. And you're able to then do it in real time. I think the more you do it, the more you have that practice. So therefore you're proving once you get it and then you start improving at a faster rate because you're able to reflect it so that's really, really good. So you hit in some of the other topics is you know, success is important, right success is out there but it's all success doesn't always lead to happiness. So what was something that you you know, you help a lot your clients do and or maybe in your own life has led to, you know, where happiness comes from and where what do we need to focus on to truly be happy.

Unknown: 20:39

This is actually going back to the quarter Topic of the book bedside lifts up to chefs like ultimately. And maybe you should give up that, that getting over everything that's stopping you from living a happy life. Because I think one thing that every single one of us is guilty of, is putting off our happiness. Like how many times have we set it where once you reach that next goal that next milestone, that next threshold, that's when you'll take some time off your prioritize your family or focus on your health, you'll do something for yourself. But isn't that what you said the time before, the time before that, and we get so caught up in where we go that we forgot, forget to slow down and enjoy the present. And the reality is, you're never going to get to where you want to be. Because whatever you want, right now, as soon as you get close, the goal line is gonna move. And that's why as cheesy as it sounds, Happiness doesn't come from the end result or an achievement somewhere in the future. And instead, that comes from the journey, and the journey takes place in the present. And that's why you have to if you want to be happy and fulfilled, allow yourself to slow down, you have to be in the moment, you need to be present, you need to feel more of life, and what's going on. And you also have to give yourself permission to prioritize the things you want. Because there's always going to be responsibilities, there's always going to be things that you need to get done. And that's why one piece of advice I can give to everyone here is if you want to do something, you have to schedule it. If you keep saying to yourself, I'm going to try and get to the gym later, I'm going to try and free up some time to focus on my hobby, try and put aside time for date night, it's never going to come. This is always going to be something in the moment that seems more important. And that's why the way I always approach it is start with a calendar and figure out what are the non negotiables? What are the things in life that truly matter to you, and schedule that first, and then build all of your other commitments around it. That's how you can change them from being something you want to do to something that are part of your routine. And that's how becomes easier then to follow through with it.

Cartwright Morris: 22:31

Man, that's good. Yeah, so I'm curious, really. Byron, what's what how did I want to frame this question? Because this is an interesting, I just so fascinated. It's your third book. Yeah, how do you really what Yeah, at the end of the day, when you writing this book, what do you feel like you want your your readers to gain furnace.

Unknown: 23:00

So ultimately, is getting out their own way and taking control of the life that they want, whatever that looks like for the individual. Because in the seven different sections, everything from giving up being reactive to living in fear to worrying about the future and prompts that haven't happened yet, or being hard on yourself, all of those ultimately building up to of getting to a point where you can have live a happy life. And ultimately, what I want for the readers or anyone who follows my message is to recognize that there's always going to be problems around you, there's always going to be things that you want to do and goals and aspirations. But ultimately, at the end of the day, are you happy, because that's the only thing that matters. And it's about giving yourself permission to slow down and just take control of the things that you want, or going after the things that you want. It's all of your putting aside your excuses, your reasons why can't be done and getting the life that you want. Because when all is said and done, the big thing for me is can you look back and be like, You know what, I lived the life that I wanted, I lived it on my terms. And I actually went for the things that mattered to me. So that's what I want for the people who read the book back. You know what, I can go for it, and I can get over all of the reasons why can't be done and actually do it.

Cartwright Morris: 24:07

Yeah. And that'd be that 65 year old, you know, yeah, reading their life.

Unknown: 24:11

Yeah, exactly. So it's such a powerful way of framing it because we all get caught up in problems and things are going wrong. And I think when you really future pace, and you think of like 10 years from now, am I going to care about this, like when you start actually pointing to that perspective becomes so much easier to let go and move on. It's the same as like, if you've, I'm sure there's, as you said, a lot of like guys in their 20s listening to this right now, if I go back to when I was 25, part of the reason why I was struggling was I cared too much about what everyone else was doing. I compared myself to my friends to my peers, I convinced myself that I was behind and I just constantly feel like I was failing compared to them. And then when I went stopped my business, I was like, what are people going to think? How are people going to judge me for so long, I didn't want to put out videos because I was like, people are gonna be talking behind my back. And it's like now just like, if people are going to do that those aren't the sort of people you want in your life. Like you just need to get tunnel vision and focus on what's going to make you happy and block out everyone else. I think that's kind of something that happens as you grow older, you get through it. And you realize that a lot of the things you've convinced yourself are a big deal when you're younger, actually don't matter.

Cartwright Morris: 25:17

Yeah. And it's interesting. It's like you won't know that until you try if you don't attempt to, like you said earlier about failure, like you're not willing to fail. You'll carry those same self sabotaging thoughts as you get older. But if you start confronting it and started like putting the videos out, it's like it may not look good. There could be people who actually say some bad things about it. But if you're willing to actually try it You will then approve, get up improve. But Master reframing

Unknown: 25:47

failure, because a lot of people look at failure as this huge end of the world thing, whereas actually, it's just a stepping stone that's going to get you one step closer towards where you want to be. And when you can stop doing failure, it's this huge catastrophe and just seeing as an opportunity to learn and grow. That's when it becomes so much easier. Because then you look for opportunities to fail, that it's no longer scary daunting or fourth thing, you're like, Okay, I've learned this, how do I improve for the next time, and every failure is going to get you one step closer towards where you want to be? I have such a huge mindset reframe, because so many people get paralyzed by failure. They're like, Oh, if I fail, it's going to be more for like, all this bad stuff can happen. It's actually no, it's going to teach you what you need to do in order to create success. And it's just, you're gonna be in the same situation regardless, so you just take that pressure off yourself?

Cartwright Morris: 26:32

Yeah, that's good. Well, Byron, I've I've asked this probably already several different ways. And I'm sure that's a lot of because it does seem like you're, you're serving the person you used to be. And so I would love just, you know, I love this obvious kind of more direct question is, if you could talk to your 25 year old self, what would you tell him?

Unknown: 26:55

Stop getting stuck in your own head. Like going back to when I was just in the corporate world. And I felt lost. And I knew that I had all these big goals, I went to something that helped other people and do the thing that mattered. The biggest day in my way, was myself. And I just needed to be kinder to myself, I need to stop beating myself up, I needed to actually believe in myself that could go make it happen. I just also just get over all of my reasons why I couldn't be done. Like I've said multiple times on this episode, like when I was younger, I was my own worst enemy. I would constantly sabotage myself, it was only when I learned to get out of my head, like actually break through it. And this is why you hit the nail on the head, like the book when I was writing it. I was like, What did I need to learn here? When I was 25, when I was stuck in my own head and getting in my own way, like, I had that person in mind when I was writing it to pass it on to them. And that's why I love what you're doing with the podcast. I think the younger guys just need that advice of, do you know what it is? It's going to be okay, like a lot of the things that you're building up as problems right now not to take away from them, because they are very big problems, but it's like, you will make it through this. And that's one thing that I always love to share with people. It's like, for God's what you're going through right now. Like, I don't want to, like diminish that. But you survived 100% of your worst days. Like even the moments when you were backed into a corner and you didn't think you were gonna make it through the fact that you're listening to this right now shows that you did, and that's why you're far stronger than you give yourself credit for. And when you actually stop believing in yourself, that's when amazing things are gonna happen.

Cartwright Morris: 28:21

Yeah, we are so capable of so much more than we think is going back or do you say we just got to reframe that mindset? Get out of our own head. And that's great. Well, Byron, appreciate you coming on man. Where can people find you?

Unknown: 28:35

easiest place to find out more about these at Byron morrison.com. I'm also active on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook and Tik Tok. Just search for Byron Morrison. And yeah, if anyone wants to check out my new book, baby, you should give up. You can get anywhere that you can order books.

Cartwright Morris: 28:51

Yeah, great. Amazon, anything like that? Yeah, Amazon

Unknown: 28:55

Barnes and Noble Waterstones anywhere that sells books that's available.

Cartwright Morris: 28:59

Gotcha. Well, man, I appreciate you coming on Byron. It's been a pleasure, man.

Unknown: 29:04

Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun.